Seasonal Happiness

Sometimes I wish I lived in a tropical paradise so that

every year as the ground begins to freeze

maybe my heart and body would have a chance.

They tell me it’s seasonal depression as the snow begins to fall

and so does my stomach but I think I would prefer to call it

seasonal happiness for me who gets

maybe two good months of easy smiles

and forces them through heartbreak the other ten.

My heart loves the Holiday spirit but my body hates the cold

my body loves the hot chocolate and festive music but my heart hates

the forced nameless sadness that makes itself home in my chest.

They tell me it’s normal and that it will pass

but for twenty one years I have lived every day

waiting for it to pass.

Maybe next year this seasonal happiness will stay.

 

-CM

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Rainy Days

If I were to take a pole, I’m ninety percent sure rainy days would be the least favorite kind of days for seventy five percent of people –

statistics I made up but could be true because

rain makes people sad.

When the clouds pull over the blue sky and water begins falling,

suddenly people are reminded of the day their lives began to fall apart.

It’s as if the sky is crying.

She is sobbing her loneliness into the soil but first her sadness hits our shoulders

and even if we aren’t outside to feel the drops, we still soak a little of it into our souls.

Our insides wilt just a little even as the flowers outside stand a little straighter

our branches bend against the wind

and that is the beauty of rainy days –

For those that fall in the fifteen percent of made up people that love the rain

there is something about the sound the drops make when they hit the ground

that remind us that we aren’t alone.

When the clouds begin to cover the sky my soul starts to shift

and my body begins to wake up.

Dancing in the rain is on the top of my favorite things to do list

and I think it’s sad how many people miss out on it’s beauty because

they are afraid of messing up their hair and drenching their clothes.

Hair can be brushed, clothes can be dried

but how many chances are you going to get to live this day again –

this moment, this life.

The next time it rains or pours or sprinkles

please step outside if only for a fraction of a second and instead of dreading

the feeling of the water hitting your skin

let it remind you that while the sun is beautiful and warmth is brilliant

rain has the pour to awaken even the most hopeless of hearts

and that’s pretty special.

 

-CM

Spoken Word – The Right Love

When Summer rolls into Autumn and September

allows the leaves to fall from their branches

I come alive as if

something in my bones was sleeping for a season only to be tapped on the shoulder

and gently shaken back to reality.

My joints stiff, my muscles weakened, my heart beats faster

the chilly, crisp air breathing a new life into me

and I can’t imagine a world in which I did not love this season

yet there are people crawling into the shadows as I am waking up,

people who get their energy from the intense heat of Summer

or the snowflakes falling onto their skin in the Winter

or the muddy puddles that come with Spring.

I will never love Summer the way I love Autumn

or snow the way I love pumpkins

and maybe that explains why you will never love me

the way you love her.

As beautiful as my leaves may be,

they can never be snowflakes.

My skin will never be her skin,

I will never sound, feel, or smell the way she does,

I will always lack something that you need,

and I am trying to come to terms with that.

I would never force someone to love my favorite season

So why would I force you to love me,

when even if it worked,

you’d never love me the way I want to be loved –

completely, fully, like when you look at me

your world suddenly makes sense.

If she is what you need,

I am learning to accept that as beautiful as I am,

I will never be her.

I have to be okay with that.

 

-CM

Living in the North

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I have traveled half way across the United States by car, and I still haven’t found a place that bewilders me as much as my own home has. I’ve traveled to Hawaii and swam in the expansive ocean, tasted a tiny bit of adventure, however I am still left speechless upon returning to my own state.

Born and raised in the middle of nowhere Northern Vermont, I was a child yearning to leave the dirt roads and small towns far behind her as soon a she was handed a High School diploma. However, three years later, and I am still here, still driving the same half an hour into civilization every day, still breathing the same mountain air, and many people ask me why.

For those who have never been to Vermont, the allure of such a state can seem absurd. The winters are freezing, the summers are undecided, spring time is messy, and the fall seems to be the only real selling point for the few weeks (sometimes mere days) that the leaves are in full color and presenting themselves under the right sunlight. We do see our fair share of tourists – mostly leaf peepers, skiers, and snowboarders. There are the few owners of summer lake houses who flee the hotter southern climates for the North in the summer months and return home during our winters. But to live here, and actually enjoy every moment of it, seems rather crazy to every person I have had the pleasure of explaining myself to.

It is not just the beauty that keeps me returning. There are plenty of beautiful states I have seen and some I haven’t, and I am sure beautiful countries I have not had the pleasure of stepping foot on just yet. Beauty is abundant in our world and not hard to come across. I have been blown away by black sand beaches in Hawaii, and left speechless by the sunsets in Mississippi. I have felt the pulsing life of New Orleans running through me and felt so alive I wasn’t sure death could even be real. So while the beauty of Vermont is not the only thing that keeps me coming back, it sure is one of the reasons.

 

There are small things that I love about every season that may not make sense to some. The winter is harsh and often unforgiving, but beyond beautiful and breathtaking. The first snow almost always brings a tear to my eye, especially when the sun hits the untouched surface just right, and the world looks so incredibly pure for just a moment.¬†Winter also brings Christmas, and all of the small town spirit with it. Dirt roads are suddenly lit on every side by gleaming red and green lights and singing erupts along the streets for days as Christmas draws nearer. When the Holiday’s are not near, winters still have a unique spirit in Vermont that rings clear.

 

 

 

Spring may be my least favorite season, but it still has a special place in my heart. I only enjoy it least because the snow begins to melt, and along with it the special spirit we enjoyed for a couple beautiful months. But with spring also comes the blooming of flowers, and like an awakening, people begin to emerge into the sunlight again that you may not have seen much of for most of the winter. Shops bring in new product, windows are all opened, and the smell of mud fills your nostrils whenever you leave paved road. Four wheeling and dancing in puddles is a favorite pass time for me this time of year.

In Vermont, summer never decides what weather it will bring. I have enjoyed summers of intense heat for weeks, and I have experienced summers like this last one in which it’s more like an extended spring that slowly folds into fall. Either way however, the summer brings with it a charisma and joy unique to it. As kids begin to experience freedom again, their happiness becomes contagious, and it’s almost impossible not to give in and sing along with them with the sun roof open and the windows rolled down. Hair gets lighter and spirits get brighter.

Autumn is beyond a shadow of a doubt my favorite of all of the seasons in Vermont, and perhaps a fundamental reason behind why I can not bring myself to leave for too long. Not only do the falling leafs attract tourists, but they also draw me in like a magnet. As soon as Autumn arrives, there is always a shift in me, as if with the falling of the leafs, I shed something as well. Apple picking, pumpkin carving, leaf peeping, visiting corn mazes, trick or treating, walking among the changing leafs for miles with no one else around – these are only a very few of the many reasons why I can’t seem to resist the Autumns in Vermont.

However, I am afraid I was born a traveler. I have always wanted to travel, felt it deep in my bones, and as soon as I got enough money Junior year of High School, I began exploring with an eagerness I have never felt for anything else. I know that I will leave the safe and sturdy mountains of Vermont many times again and again, but I also know that they will always be here, beautifully waiting.

If you have any similar experiences with Vermont, please leave me a comment! I would also love to hear about your favorites from your home state!