When Summer rolls into Autumn and September
allows the leaves to fall from their branches
I come alive as if
something in my bones was sleeping for a season only to be tapped on the shoulder
and gently shaken back to reality.
My joints stiff, my muscles weakened, my heart beats faster
the chilly, crisp air breathing a new life into me
and I can’t imagine a world in which I did not love this season
yet there are people crawling into the shadows as I am waking up,
people who get their energy from the intense heat of Summer
or the snowflakes falling onto their skin in the Winter
or the muddy puddles that come with Spring.
I will never love Summer the way I love Autumn
or snow the way I love pumpkins
and maybe that explains why you will never love me
the way you love her.
As beautiful as my leaves may be,
they can never be snowflakes.
My skin will never be her skin,
I will never sound, feel, or smell the way she does,
I will always lack something that you need,
and I am trying to come to terms with that.
I would never force someone to love my favorite season
So why would I force you to love me,
when even if it worked,
you’d never love me the way I want to be loved –
completely, fully, like when you look at me
your world suddenly makes sense.
If she is what you need,
I am learning to accept that as beautiful as I am,
I will never be her.
I have to be okay with that.